


I've seen it before

by wombathos



Series: whole world's bringing me down [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (not yet anyway), Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Established Relationship, M/M, Not A Fix-It, POV Steve Rogers, YEAH I SAID IT, i am back on my bullshit, this is probably the most self-indulgent thing I've ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 12:04:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18660088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wombathos/pseuds/wombathos
Summary: When Steve travels back to 2012, one face in particular is painfully familiar.





	I've seen it before

**Author's Note:**

> This is a direct sequel to [Look At Me Now](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15562569?view_full_work=true192) and might be a tad incomprehensible without it. Think 'established Steve/Loki, and how that affects Steve's POV of Endgame'. I'm also on Tumblr at [@arimabat](https://arimabat.tumblr.com), come say hi!

2012 New York.

Notable for many reasons. Huge alien worms appearing in the sky. The first time and place the Avengers had assembled (more or less, after a few false starts along the way). All pretty major by any standard.

It had also been where they had defeated Loki. Back then, Steve had assumed (hoped?) Loki would be disappearing from his life for good. And then…

Eleven years ago. Sometimes Steve really _did_ feel old. The last five years probably had something to do with that.

2012\. Meeting Loki that first time in Germany. It was far from their last encounter. Yet of course, almost all of the people in this room were entirely unaware of that.

* * *

When Bruce had suggested Steve go with the 2012-team, he had raised no objections. It made sense, naturally - a logical piece of this puzzle they still hoped to solve. All the while Natasha threw the occasional glance at him. She was the only one left who knew about him and Loki. About how Steve had tried to get information from him about Thanos (that had turned out well, hadn’t it) and then had sort of accidentally fallen in love with a former enemy/alien god.

Five years and he still hadn’t told Thor. Sometimes he wondered what Loki would think of that. Would he be relieved? Or would he wonder whether Steve was ashamed of him?

It just wasn’t a conversation he could bring himself to have. Besides, Thor had more than enough to deal with.

* * *

They were making their last preparations when Natasha cornered him.

“Are you going to be fine?” asked Natasha.

“Yes.”

“You going to 2012 New York…”

“It makes sense,” said Steve, collecting the papers strewn across the table and arranging them in a semi-neat pile. “I’m most likely to be able to get the mind stone on power of authority alone. And I know SHIELD.”

“I was at the meeting too,” said Natasha dryly. “But you might well run into Loki. At the very least, you might see him. Are you fine with that?”

“I won’t do anything stupid.”

“That’s not what I was asking,” she said. When Steve raised his eyebrows, she added, “I take it as a given that you’ll do _something_ stupid. Just have to assume it won’t be too major.”

He raised them even further in indignation. Then he sighed. “It’s been almost six years, Nat. And we’ve all lost plenty along the way. Thor is also going to a time and place where Loki was still alive. Are you going to give him a pep talk?”

“I’d like to think we’re a bit closer than me and Thor.”

That made Steve smile in spite of everything. “It’s going to be hard,” he said. “How could it not be? But it’s what I have to do, right?”

“Right.” She picked up a half-eaten box of Chinese takeaway, took a whiff of it and scrunched up her nose before throwing it in the nearest bin. “Just making sure you’ve prepared yourself.”

He checked the settings on the suit again, 2012-suit nicely preprogrammed. That thing had never been his favourite. “If all goes to plan I won’t even see him, much less come into contact with him. So it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Hm,” said Natasha, tilting her head to one side. “Thinking of his hair back then, maybe that’s for the best.”

“I don’t know,” he said, lips quirked. “I kinda liked it.”

“Ooh, Steve,” she said, laughing. “You’re into the slick look? How do you grab on tight to that?”

“That’s why they call me a _super_ soldier.”

She half-groaned. “Remember when he imitated you? We should have known then.”

“You remember that?” Steve asked incredulously. He was laughing too now. Why had he never asked Loki about-

“And what might you two be laughing about?” asked Tony.

They both turned to face him, Steve making an effort to clamp down on his grin.

“Nothing much,” said Natasha, smooth as ever. “Just reminiscing about that time I used his shield as a trampoline.”

“Its finest moment,” said Steve.

“Right,” said Tony, looking sceptical but clearly deciding he couldn’t be bothered to investigate further. “Well we’re about to head so you at least” - he gestured at Steve - “can experience that moment again in live-action in just a few minutes.”

He walked off back to where everyone was congregating.

They looked at each other.

Natasha smiled. “Take care of yourself.”

“You too, Nat.”

* * *

He obviously wasn’t going to tell Tony why this trip was a particularly painful ride down memory lane. Steve couldn’t even picture his reaction to that nugget (which did _kind of_ make him want to come clean. Just out of curiosity).

A part of him wanted to tell Tony to take care of the mind stone in his stead while he handled the space stone. But the SHIELD/HYDRA agents were even less likely to willingly give Tony the sceptre willingly. Or Natasha, the perennial outsider, or Clint, whose mind’s integrity they would not trust. Bruce and Thor were similarly discounted. No, Steve was clearly the best option. He was very familiar indeed with these particular agents.

“All right, we have our assignments,” he said, still wishing he could swap with Tony.

 _Concentrate, you idiot_.

* * *

In the end, all he got was a glimpse. Tony gave him a few (not particularly enjoyable) rides as they inched their way closer to the tower. Threw the shield at a chitauri or two, just for old time’s sake. Eventually he was deposited on the nearest building to watch the battle draw to a close.

“I’ll do a last check,” said Tony.

Steve nodded as Scott popped up next to him.

“Hey, I think you’re about to fly through the sky hole!”

“Still a couple of minutes,” said Tony, mask lowering over his face. “Look, Natasha is in the air.”

And so she was. As Tony sped away and Scott wandered around the roof, getting the best view he could of the raging battle below, Steve watched her progress. Then his gaze slid behind her to the next chitauri ship, speeding in the distance.

Just a glimpse. Not even that, not really. Even with his enhanced eyesight, it was only a flash of green and gold, a blur on the horizon.

It was all he’d get.

He covered his mic so that Scott and Tony could not hear. Just a whisper. That was all he would allow himself as he craned his head to look at the streak in the distance.

“ _I love you_.”

There. One less regret. Whatever happened.

Loki’s ship blew up and he tumbled down onto the Stark Tower roof. Out of sight. Damn Stark Tower, ruining his view.

* * *

Steve came from below, not needing to join Tony and Scott on the roof. Loki was on the roof. He would pass by on the elevator heading downwards. And that would be that.

And that was indeed that.

Besides, he had some Nazis to fool.

* * *

“I have eyes on Loki. Fourteenth floor.”

This had become beyond absurd.

“I’m not Loki,” he said, words he never thought he’d have to say. “And I don’t want to hurt you.”

In the end, he did have to hurt other-him quite a lot, but in all fairness he got as good as he gave. Or the other way round? And that odd moment when he had to use the sceptre… feeling the connection spread from his own mind to that of other-Steve, the brief exertion of his will… before he cut it off. Simply knocked out other-Steve.

He looked at the sceptre, weighing it in his hand. Being this close to it just made him uneasy.

* * *

“Cap.” He turned. “Sorry buddy, we have a problem.”

Scott looked beyond despondent. “Yeah we do.”

* * *

So Loki had escaped. Seized on a split-second opportunity by the sounds of it. Which was… very him. But also beyond inconvenient, potentially catastrophic.

Why couldn’t things ever be simple?

Was he really going to have to hunt down Loki? Which in all likelihood would be pretty much impossible. Loki was pretty good at making himself scarce when he wanted to.

In the end, they figured it out. Sort of. Hopefully.

Their very last chance.

“If it doesn’t work, you’re not coming back.”

Well, that was part of the game really.

“Here we go.”

And so he left 2012 New York, left the version of Loki alive and… if not well, at least free. That didn’t sound great in terms of timelines and whatnot, but oh well.

A small, guilty part of him hoped that Loki would use his freedom well.

**Author's Note:**

> Look. My mind was kinda mining Endgame for Stoki content while I was watching because that’s what you do, right? Then I was helpfully reminded that I do in fact have a technically ‘canon compliant’ Stoki-verse so here we are.
> 
> I do actually have a proper proper sequel planned that takes Steve’s semi-ambiguous ending in a whole new direction (need to figure out time travel first). For now angst is all I have.


End file.
